Remember to be sensible, patient, and fair throughout this process. Just keep your word and quietly implement the consequences you put in place at the time of instituting the program. Don’t fly off the handle or lose your cool. If she hits you with, “Amy’s parents allow her to wear this kind of top,” or “Jody’s mom isn’t as strict and old-fashioned as you are,” simply remind her that Amy and Jody don’t live at your house. If she buys inappropriate clothing in direct defiance of your standards, don’t be afraid to confiscate and dispose of it. When your daughter pushes back, stand your ground. Like it or not, conflict is part of the job description of every parent of teens. This means being prepared for some fights. It’s up to you to take an active role in upholding them. Once the rules have been set, don’t make the common mistake of assuming that they will be followed automatically. If necessary, write down those guidelines and consequences and post them on the refrigerator or the door of your daughter’s room. State plainly what the consequences will be if those guidelines are disregarded. Conclude the discussion by establishing some clear and mutually understandable guidelines for acceptable clothing choices. At the same time, don’t give your teen the impression that you’re negotiating or bargaining with her. Keep the conversation congenial and two-sided. Ask questions such as, “Why do you suppose I have objections to that bathing suit?”, or “How does your choice of clothing reflect your self-image and the way you want to be perceived by other people?” Get her to think about the reasons behind the rules. Talk about what the Bible has to say about humility, modesty, chastity, integrity, temptation, lust, and the importance of preserving her sexual purity. So take some time to sit down with her and discuss what your family believes. “My house, my rules” isn’t necessarily the same thing as “Because I said so!” Your daughter will be more likely to cooperate if she can see the inner logic of your position. If they’re to be effective, those rules will have to be reasonable and defensible. They simply must set guidelines and see to it that they’re followed. Our sex-saturated society has created a situation in which moms and dads have no choice except to take decisive action. When push comes to shove, there are times when the only correct response on their part is to get with the program and bow to parental authority. It’s not a question of a simple difference of opinion between equals. In cases like this it is entirely appropriate to say: “My house, my rules.” Remember, the family is not a democracy. Perhaps the first thing you need to realize is that, as the parent, you are the boss.
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